Permission Slip To Your Sacred No

October 7th, 2022

As a recovering people pleaser there comes a time when we have to unlearn the false conditioning that taught us to sacrifice our own needs to keep the peace. Becoming a fully sovereign adult means learning to say no freely and unapologetically.  

For me, it took a health crisis to teach me the ropes. I had to learn how to not only say no, but to own it fully. 

I had to learn to put my well being at the forefront of my priorities EVERYDAY because my recovery depended on it. It was no longer an option for me to avoid disappointing someone at my own expense. I wanted to get well more than anything. This meant learning to say no and often. 

Even if: 

*They don’t like it  

*They’re disappointed, angry, judgemental 

*It costs the relationship (if you can’t say no without fear of losing a relationship is it worth hanging on to?) 

*Feelings of guilt, fear, and grief arise (this is normal but will pass) 

Most of the time the worst case scenarios don’t happen. But…sometimes they do. And guess what? It hurts. But I’d rather endure the pain of authenticity than the pain of self betrayal. 

In fact, each time we exercise our powerful no, the authentic self gets a little more sure, a little more stable, a little more secure, a little more empowered.

Because the truth is…

*I can trust life to orchestrate the ones who are meant to stay and the ones who are meant to fall away

*I can trust in my inherent worthiness and deservability of love and kindness. 

*I can trust that it’s ok to be loving AND fierce with boundaries. The two are not mutually exclusive.

*I can trust that love and approval is something that I can give to myself. 

*I can trust that I am good enough and lovable enough regardless of how I perform for others. 

*I can trust that it’s ok to rest, it’s ok to stay home, it’s ok to have fluctuating energy, it’s ok to need alone time, it’s ok to say maybe, it’s ok to do nothing, and I don’t have to apologize for taking care of myself.

Each time we say no to something it’s never really a no, it’s just another yes to something else that is more in alignment for us.

If saying no is new for you, be prepared that others around you may not like it and that’s ok. Give them grace, but don’t take shit. They will adjust, or they won’t. Either way, you answer to you at the end of the day and only you can know what you truly need to be healthy and happy.



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